'Doctor, I feel half dead.'
Til arrange for you to be buried from the waist down.'

What happens when plumbers die?
They go down the drain.

How's your broken rib?
I keep getting a stitch in my side.
That's good, it shows the bones are knitting.

'Doctor, can you give me something for wind?'
'How about a kite?'

Where do sick ships go?
To the dock.

I've just swallowed a bone.
Are you choking?
No, I'm serious.

Why did you take your his nose apart?
I wanted to see what made it run.

'Doctor, I think I've broken my leg. What should I do?'
'Limp.'

'What should I take when I feel run down?'
'The number of the car that hit you.'

'Doctor, my baby just fell down the drain! What can I do?'
'Buy a book on raising children.'