How can you tell when someone has a glass eye?
When it comes out in conversation.

I managed to stop my son biting his nails.
How did you manage to do that?
I bought him some shoes.

Was Richard the Lionheart the first transplan patient?

What's bright red and stupid?
A blood clot.

'Doctor, doctor, I feel like a billiard ball.'
'Go to the back of the queue.'

How can you stop a cold in the head from going to your chest?
Tie a knot in your neck.

'Doctor, do the tests show I'm normal?'
'Yes, both your heads are quite all right.'

How can you cure dandruff?
Cut off your head.

I'm afraid you've got rabies.
Quick, give me a piece of paper and a pencil!
Do you want to make your will?
No, a list of people I want to bite.

'Doctor, is it true I haven't long to live?'
'Well, if I were you I wouldn't start watching any serials.'