You're overweight.
Nonsense, I'm just 30 cm too short.

'Doctor, I feel like a piano.'
'Hang on a moment while I make some notes.'

'Doctor, I feel ill.'
'Just go over to the window and stick out your tongue.'
'Why, so you can see it better?'
'No, because I hate the neighbours.'

You look very red in the face. You must have flu.
No, I came on the bus.

Why do airlines use the slogan, 'Up and away'?
To remind passengers not to eat too much breakfast.

I'm afraid I mistook the medicine you gave me for furniture polish.
Do you want some more?
No, but you could come round and help me shake the table!

'Doctor, I've eaten some snooker balls - two red, two black and two pink. What should I do?'
'Eat some greens and you'll soon be all right.'

What is the best cure for air sickness?
Bolting food down.

A man who consulted his doctor about his poor eyesight was told to eat some carrots. He returned a week later and said that when he'd gone out at night he'd fallen over.
'Couldn't you see?' asked the doctor.
'Yes,' replied the patient, 'but I tripped over my ears!'

What did the man say after his skiing accident?
'A broken leg isn't all it's cracked up to be.'