How do you start a pudding race?
Sago.

How do you start a rude pudding race?
Sago to hell!

What did the sausage say as it was about to be put on a skewer?
'Oh spear me, spear me!'

Why was the vampire thin?
He ate necks to nothing.

Is the salad ready, dear?
How did you know we were having salad?
I couldn't smell anything burning.

What fish tastes good with cream?
A jelly fish.

What did one tomato say to the other?
'How did we get into this pickle?'

What do you call a woman who slides around on a piece of hot toast?
Marge.

I made you a delicious dinner but the dog ate it.
Don't worry, I expect we can get another dog.

What does 'bacteria' mean?
It's the rear entrance to a cafeteria.