What kind of dog has the most ticks?
A watch dog.

What do you call a cat's flat?
A scratch pad.

Did you hear about the boy who worked at the riding stables?
He complained that his work was piling up.

What did the pig say to the farmer?
'You take me for grunted.'

Who herded phantom sheep?
Little Boo Peep.

What happens when pigs have dinner?
They have a swill time.

'Why do you call your dog Handyman?'
'He does lots of little jobs round the house.'

What do you call a dream in which you're attacked by a vicious dog?
A bitemare.

What happened when a farmer emptied a bottle of whisky into his cows' water?
The following day they all had a hangunder.

How do you make mice smell nice?
Use mousewash.